So I guess I've never had a real valentines. I think my last valentine was Freddie R. in 3rd grade. For some reason I've happened to date men who think valentine's day is an unnecessary money scheming holiday, or I've simply been single to start the year off. Obviously Valentines day is made to steal people's money, but I usually love to take advantage of it and send my mother flowers, and let my close friends know I love them. I've never taken Valentine's Day as a serious holiday. Is it? I've never celebrated it as something special. I do think, however, that the couples that are celebrating it look exceptionally cute. I used to wish I had somebody to celebrate it with, or that my then current SO would celebrate it with me. Once while asking my ex why he didn't like to celebrate it, he simply replied with "Too much pressure. Too much stress.", which brings me to wonder, is there a lot of pressure on the couples that do celebrate Valentines? I do get that it is a big romantic day, and there's a big hullabaloo about it being perfect. But it had never occurred to me that there was a lot of pressure or stress involved. So being genuinely curious, I wanted to know if any of you have ever felt stressed/a lot of pressure to celebrate Valentines? I would love to hear answers from both ladies and gents.
So it's well known that money shouldn't be able to buy love... but really? This has always been a topic I've pondered about. A couple years ago I traveled to a third world county to help out some less privileged families. A lot of these houses were tin shanties, simple but clean. I knew poverty, I knew that these people didn't have much. I had seen pictures, and I had been informed about where exactly I'd be sleeping prior to the trip. I was on board for the trip though. I took clothes for these people, cookies, and just random "everyday" items. Though I knew exactly what to expect, nothing in my life has ever compared to that experience. We all know what poverty looks like, and we all know that we don't want it. We try our best, just so we can spend a dime on a new iphone, or maybe on that new pair of heals we saw at the store. I honestly wonder if people really know how privileged they are anymore, and just having electricity, or a sturdy house is a huge blessing. Prior to this trip I had never in my life met people who have been so grateful for slightly over sized t-shirts, or a carton of milk. Or so polite and graceful. People are always saying that money doesn't matter when it comes to love, and even before my experience with poverty, I had to disagree. I wasn't sure if I was just being highly vain, spoiled, or down right a terrible human. It seems wrong to think that money would matter, but in the end, I think it's a huge deciding factor. I love the people I met on my trip to that county, but I could never marry one. Now, I think it's obvious that someone of the middle-upper class would not go marry a person of lower class. But my question is, when does money become a deciding factor? I personally could give up many things to be with someone I think I truly loved and loved me, but when it would come down to compromising my lifestyle completely? I don't know. I read an article that says 30% of divorces in America are because of money related issues. My question is, does money matter for you, and if so, when?
So today I basically write this for the younger readers.
I remember when I was younger I had this boyfriend called Xavier. My whole life revolved around Xavier, what he was doing, what he thought, and his Myspace. I remember I would listen to the music he liked, and I would dress in the type clothes he said looked good on me. According to us, we were in love. I think it is always natural to want to do things that will please your SO, and especially things that make you more attractive to them. But when do you cross the line? When does that turn into an obsession? Xavi and I broke up a year later,because he always wanted me to do what he liked, and what he wanted me to do. Looking back, I always feel like that relationship was borderline abusive, and that wasn't all his fault. I would go along with what he wanted, and never stood up for myself because I was so blinded by him.
My point being, Love is a beautiful thing, but there comes a point where we can cross the line, and it becomes an obsession. It's natural to be interested in your partner's life, and to want to look good for them, but you should never have to loose yourself to do so. You should be able to be yourself and both you and your partner should have different interests and different styles, yet be able to respect each other for that. Yes, they can be the most important thing in your life, but not the the ONLY thing in your life.
When does love turn into an obsession? Have you ever been obsessed? Have any advice?
I remember a couple years ago, I had a boyfriend who I had been dating for roughly three years. We meet very young, and in my young mind, I loved him very much. I wasn't so young that I was stupid, but I was young enough to believe some of his lies. Long story short, I remember his shady texts (No longer phone calls) where he would say he was too wrapped up in work to come by, or sometimes he was too tired. The first time I got these texts I brushed them off, believing them true. His university graduation was coming up soon, anyways, so it must be true... but something felt off. And the more I got these types of texts, the more I knew it. He was different. He was too willing to please on our dates. I went to his school two weeks later, reasoning that I was there to surprise HIM, not to see if he was up to something behind my back... I don't know why, but I went to the cafeteria instead of going directly to his dorms. I sat down at a table, and had a coffee. A tall beautiful blond with epic boobs took a seat a couple tables down from me, and she had walked in wrapped around my boyfriend. And he planted a kiss on her lip-gloss lips.
I was pissed.
I shot my chair backwards and stood up, plastered the creepiest, biggest smile I could muster, and walked to their table. His face was priceless. I sombered up, and told him that it was amazing to know my boyfriend Ex-boyfriend was sleeping around. I turned on my heal, and never looked back. He called, we talked, but I told him he wasn't worth it. Of course I cried, and wanted to scream at the world. I felt stupid and used. But the moment I realized I didn't care, that I was free as a bird? It was glorious. I have never felt so relieved in my life.
My question is, How do you/did you deal with cheating? I certainly didn't know how, and was hoping to give other people some advice if they were ever so unlucky to become of this fate. Have you ever been cheated on? Care to share your stories? Not just the Ladies, but you Gentlemen out there too.
After breaking it off with my ex boyfriend of two years, and reading plenty Datingish advice, I decided I needed a rebound. Luckily I didn't have to look far before meeting this sexy stud muffin Italian. He had the body, the face, the confidence, and the sex appeal. Any girl's dream-come-true. It's been a month now, and we're in a relationship. As I stated before, he is my rebound. I needed somebody to take my ex off my mind, which he's done great... except he tells me last night that he loves me. That was not part of my plan. I was looking for a light hearted relationship, nothing heavy right now. In a perfect universe, I would have been able to say "I love you" back. But I can't. Of course I do love him, but not in the way he's searching for, and not in the way he loves me. I feel terrible. He was supposed to be my rebound, and now I feel like he was being led on by some misunderstanding. My "summer Fling" turned "Summer Love" without my permission.
I'm lost. Part of me feels guilty and that I owe it to him to try to keep this up and try to fall for him, another part thinks I should clear up everything now so we're clear as to where I stand.
What would you do? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you ever gotten serious with a rebound? Any helpful advice?